


conflicted

by bubblez4u



Category: Women's Soccer RPF
Genre: F/F, Fluff and Angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-05
Updated: 2016-03-05
Packaged: 2018-05-24 20:22:32
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,500
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6165629
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bubblez4u/pseuds/bubblez4u
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tobin and Alex are a one of a kind duo on and off the pitch. Tobin has had a crush on Alex since the moment they met, but Alex doesn't know it. What happens when Christen pushes Tobin to face the truth and Alex wants answers? They all end up conflicted.</p>
            </blockquote>





	conflicted

"Tobin!"

Tobin ran into the bathroom with a cup of coffee in her hand and a frazzled look on her face.

"What? Are you alright? Is it your knee?" Tobin let out a string of questions in a worried manner.

Alex was standing in front of the mirror with her head tilted to the side and one hand on her hip.

"Is my eyeliner even?"

Tobin's worried expression disappeared and suddenly, she was not impressed.

"I can't believe you, Morgan."

"Come on, Tobs. This is an emergency!" Alex whined.

Tobin let out a long sigh and put her cup of coffee down before hopping onto to the counter and motioning Alex to come over. Alex stood in between Tobin's legs and Tobin held Alex's head in her hands, moving it from side to side to examine the makeup.

Tobin stopped moving Alex's head around and looked into her eyes. Her thumbs brushed over Alex's cheeks.

"Perfect," Tobin whispered. She wasn't talking about the makeup.

Alex felt her cheeks burn and she flashed Tobin a small grin. Tobin's mouth twisted into her trademark smile. She hopped off of the bathroom counter and grabbed her coffee before walking out and flopping down onto her bed. It was 9 o'clock and the girls had a few hours before their team meeting in the hotel conference room so Tobin had decided to go out and find a nearby Starbucks after breakfast. Nearby ended up being three miles away.

She grabbed the TV remote and changed the channel to find something interesting to watch while drinking her coffee. She was just about to get into relaxation mode when someone else came bursting through the door.

"Hi, Tobin!"

Christen walked into the room beaming. Even though Tobin was interrupted once again, she couldn't help but smile when she was with the younger forward. Christen was always so happy, so free, and it radiated off of her in such an infectious way. Tobin and Christen had got closer over the past year and this January camp was no exception.

"Morning, Chris! What's up?"

"Nothing, Kelley ditched me to hang out with Hope so I figured I would see what you and Alex were up to," Christen said as she sat on the edge of the bed.

Tobin got up abruptly from her spot on the bed, "Whoa, whoa, whoa. Watch it, Chris." She walked over to where Christen was sitting and ushered her off the bed. She grabbed the piece of clothing Christen had accidentally sat on.

"Tobin, why do you still have those?" Christen questioned as Tobin held up her favorite pair of blue and green turtle shorts and smoothed them out before gently setting them back in her bag.

"What are you talking about? They're so fresh!" Tobin claimed with a smile.

"I tried to tell her!" Alex yelled from the bathroom.

Christen smiled and crossed her arms, "Whatever. You want to go grab some lunch after the meeting?"

"Sounds like a plan. I'll ask Alex if she wants to come, too," Tobin said taking a sip of her coffee.

The corners of Christen’s mouth shot up ever so slightly, "Great. Oh, and if you talk to Kelley can you somehow slip in something about opening her underwear drawer?" Christen asked with a mischievous glint in her eyes.

"Look at you Press, getting all vengeful. I'm a little insulted that you didn't ask for my help, but I'll let it slide," Tobin winked at Christen as she swirled her cup of coffee around in her hand.

Christen eyed the way Tobin was messing with her drink and before Tobin could protest, she swiped the cup out of the midfielder's hand and ran out the door.

"You're the best, Tobs!" Christen's voice faded away as she ran down the hall with Tobin's cup of caffeine.

Tobin let out a frustrated groan and fell back onto the bed. She tried to find her chill by taking deep breaths and counting to three.

One, Alex made her drop everything to get a second opinion on her eyeliner. Two, Christen stole the coffee she walked 6 miles to get. Three, her friends disrespected the dopest pair of shorts she's ever owned.

Just when she felt her blood pressure going down, Alex called for her again.

"Tobin! I need you!"

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The meeting had just ended and the girls were waiting around in the conference room to get the green light from Jill so they could go grab some lunch. Tobin and Alex were sitting next to each other in the first row and Ashlyn was kneeling beside them on the floor showing them pictures of her best friend's wedding.

"Look at how beautiful these are! Niki told me they had to change like four different times because the photographer couldn't stop shooting," Ashlyn said as she scrolled through the winter wonderland photos on her phone.

Alex and Tobin were gushing over the shots when Alex leaned over Tobin's lap to get a closer look at the screen. After all these years, even the smallest of touches made Tobin's heart race.

"I'm so jealous! I want an impromptu snow wedding. I have to have one. I don't care if I have to drag Tobin out there and have her sprinkle fake snow on me and shove ice down my pants, it's going to happen," Alex exclaimed with wild hand gestures.

All three girls had tears forming in their eyes following the nonstop laughter spilling from their mouths. Alex's giggles died down and she wiped away a tear before grabbing her bag off the floor. She dug around it for a minute before pulling out a candy bar. Tobin's laughter halted and she tried to shove the offending delicacy back into the bag.

"Lex, are you crazy?! Dawn's going to kill you. And then she's going to kill me!"

"Relax, Tobs. Dawn just took Mallory out to talk about some routine stuff so I'm in the clear. I'm not stupid enough to eat it right in front of her," Alex said as she ripped off the wrapper and sunk her teeth into the candy bar.

"This should be considered porn," Ashlyn stated with a hazy look on her face.

Tobin's cheeks became a light shade of red and she gave Ashlyn a good nudge telling her to knock it off. Alex wiggled her eyebrows playfully with her mouth full of chocolate and Tobin doesn't think she's ever seen anything so beautiful.

"And what do you think you're doing?" a thick British accent questioned.

Shit.

Ashlyn took one look at Dawn, who was towering over the trio with her arms crossed, and made a run for it.

Tobin and Alex were stuck in their seats.

Tobin opened her mouth to explain, but Alex beat her to it.

"This is all her fault!" Alex pointed at Tobin with an accusatory finger and stuffed the rest of the chocolate in her mouth.

"My fault?!" Tobin pointed at herself with wide eyes.

"Yup. You see Dawn, I'm just a victim," Alex said with a straight face as she got out of her seat and rested one hand on Dawn's shoulder.

"Tobin here forced me to eat this candy bar so technically there’s nobody to blame except for her. Well, I'm glad this is settled. Go easy on her, she's a good kid," Alex patted Dawn's shoulder and tried to sneak away, but Dawn grabbed her by the back of her shirt.

"Not so fast, Morgan. An extra hour of weights for you and Heath before you go to lunch. I'd hurry if I were you, I hear they're having Mexican today," Dawn said with a smirk on her face.

"But I had nothing to do with-"

Dawn was already walking away.

Alex burst out laughing and couldn't help the additional set of giggles that erupted when she saw Tobin's face.

"You're the worst," Tobin pouted as she slumped in her chair.

Alex walked back to her seat next to Tobin, "Oh yeah, I'm the absolute worst. It must suck having to spend some quality time with your best friend and getting to eat lunch away from all these crazy people for once," Alex snipped sarcastically.

Tobin rolled her eyes, but couldn't help the smile that formed on her face, "Actually, Christen invited us out to lunch with her and now we can't go. So now you've ruined two people's days."

"I think I can live with myself. Let's get started on that hour of torture, I can already hear the tacos calling my name," Alex said.

Tobin lazily got up from her spot and searched around the meeting room to spot the person she was looking for.

"You head on over, I'll be there in a second," Tobin said distracted as her eyes scanned the crowd.

Alex's raised eyebrow implied curiosity, but she let it go and headed to the gym to warm up.

Tobin found exactly who she was looking for two rows back. There was an empty seat next to Christen and she decided now would be the perfect time to talk to her. She weaved her way through the staff personnel and was approaching Christen, when she saw Kling walking towards the forward as well. She laser focused on the empty seat and bolted for it. She jumped over a few bags and might have knocked a few people over in the process, but she managed to beat Kling to the chair just as the defender was about to claim it for herself.

"Hey, Tobin. Why of course you can have this seat!" Kling said sardonically.

Tobin decided to be the bigger person and instead of replying, stuck her tongue out at Kling.

Christen giggled at the exchange and turned her body towards Tobin when Moe came over to the group to drag Kling away to film a US Soccer video.

"So, where do you want to go for lunch?" Christen questioned with a dazzling smile.

"Yeah, about that. Alex got us an extra gym session before lunch so unless you want to miss out on Mexican, I don't think we can make it," Tobin explained.

Christen's eyebrows furrowed, "How did she manage that?"

"It's a long story. Can I explain it to you over a movie after lunch?" Tobin offered hopefully in an effort to make up the fact she wouldn't be able to dine with the forward.

"Well, if you insist. On the other hand, why don't we talk about you spending an entire hour with Alex alone," Christen wiggled her eyebrows suggestively.

"There's nothing to talk about," Tobin smiled at the ground.

Christen is one of the two people who know about Tobin's crush on Alex, the other being Tobin. When Christen had first joined the team, she saw the way Tobin and Alex had interacted and immediately knew something was different. Throughout the years she only saw the small touches and lingering glances increase between the pair. When she finally got the chance to get closer to Tobin, she couldn't help but bring their relationship up. It took a few weeks and a lot of tears for Tobin to finally admit that she had a crush on Alex. Christen had never seen Tobin so vulnerable and vowed that from that point on she would do everything in her power to keep her friend from getting hurt.

"Oh, come on. A full 60 minutes in a small room, the both of you all sweaty. You're telling me nothing's going to happen?" Christen bumped Tobin with her shoulder.

"If something was going to happen, it would have happened a long time ago," Tobin's smile fell as she thought about how many years she had spent bottling up her feelings.

Christen put a hand on the small of Tobin's back and offered her a comforting smile knowing firsthand how much Tobin's heart has endured.

Tobin shook the sad look off of her face and stood up.

"I've got to get to the gym otherwise Alex is going to get the good set of weights. See you later!" Tobin scurried off.

"It's a date!" Christen yelled after her with a big smile.

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
Tobin sauntered into the gym and gulped at the sight in front of her. Alex had shed herself of her sweatshirt and was in the middle of the gym lifting weights in a red sports bra. Tobin watched as the defined muscles in her back flexed with her every movement, how the sweat covering her body made her skin glow, how her leggings clung tightly to the curvature of her as-

"There you are! What took you so long, Heath?" Alex turned around and asked, drawing Tobin out of her trance.

"Uh, y-yeah. I just had to, um, t-talk to Christen about...something," Tobin rubbed the back of her neck with a red tint to her cheeks.

"Okay?" Alex half-asked as she tried to figure out why the midfielder was acting so strange.

Tobin cringed at how badly that came out, but turned her back to Alex to allow her body to cool down. She strolled over to the racks and grabbed some weights before walking over to Alex and beginning her session. Obviously, since there was nobody there to supervise them, they ended up taking far more breaks than usual. It was in the middle of their fourth water break when something changed. Alex had Tobin pinned to the ground and was threatening her with a bottle of cold water over her head.

"Take it back, Heath!"

"I don't know what you're talking about," Tobin said stubbornly. She could feel Alex's hot breath hit her lips with every word.

"I want to hear the words come out of your mouth. Alex Morgan is the best forward I've ever played with."

"I must not tell lies," Tobin quotes Harry Potter because of course she would.

"Oh, you're so dead," Alex says as she tips the bottle of water over that she's holding above Tobin's head.

Tobin lets out a small yelp as she feels the ice cold water slap her in the face. She can't feel her nose and she opens her eyes when feels the stream of water stop. She looks up to find Alex a lot closer than she remembered, but she's not complaining.

"I can't believe you just did that," Tobin whispered. The tension in the room was palpable and she thought if she spoke too loud, everything would shatter.

"Neither can I," Alex whispered back in a soft voice.

Tobin was finding it harder and harder to keep from getting sucked into the blue eyes in front of her. No matter how hard she tried, she couldn't stop staring. She felt her pulse quicken and her breathing become shallow. Tobin could've sworn she was imagining things when she saw Alex lean in. But then she saw it again and when she saw Alex's eyes dart down to her lips and back up she wanted to yell at her brain to stop with the mind games.

Just when the girl of her dreams was in the palm of her hand, she slipped away.

The ringing of Alex's cell phone brings them both back to reality and Alex scrambles off of Tobin to answer it. Tobin lets out a frustrated sigh and rolls over onto her stomach. At this point she doesn't care how dirty the floor is.

Alex cleared her throat, "It's Serv."

All it took was two words to turn the butterflies in Tobin's stomach into angry hornets and her erratically beating heart into a crumbling one.

Tobin sat up and swept the wet hair out of her face.

"Oh. I'll give you two some space."

Tobin's head was spinning and she felt her blood boil. Every breath struggled to be a complete one and she felt herself slipping into a dark place. She didn't look at Alex or even mutter so much as a good bye when she ran out the door.

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
She told herself she wouldn't cry, not here. She quickly made her way through the hotel lobby and snagged an elevator. She knew the team had finished eating lunch by now so she ran. She ran to the one person she had learned to trust, the one person that had never let her down, the one person that had never judged her.

Her legs carried her to the last room at the end of the hallway on the 23rd floor and her fist knocked on the door.

"Kelley, I already told you, I don't know if squirrels have dietary restrictio-" Christen swung the heavy door open and was face to face with a teary-eyed Tobin.

"Tobs, are you alright? Why are you all wet? What going on?" Christen's annoyance faded to concern as she took in the sad girl in front of her.

Tobin tried to speak, but her mouth had other plans. Her bottom lip started to quiver and she threw herself into Christen's arms.

Christen's frown only deepened when she felt Tobin's body shake from the sobs she was letting out.

"It's going to be ok. Everything's going to be fine, I've got you," Christen whispered into Tobin's ear as she guided them to the bed. She sat Tobin against the headboard and readjusted herself so her arm was around Tobin. Tobin latched onto Christen's shirt and cried into Christen's neck as she tried to comfort her. Unfortunately, this isn't the first time something like this has happened. After Tobin had revealed her feelings to Christen, there had been several occasions where she showed up at Christen's door crying over Alex. Christen had no reason to think this time was any different. She had learned that the best way to get Tobin to respond when she was in this state was to let her cry herself out and then talk to her when she was ready.

Half an hour passed before Tobin's sobs subsided. Christen didn't leave her side and she let Tobin use her as a human snot rag.

"Do you want to watch that movie now?" Christen asked gently. She felt Tobin nod her head yes into her shirt.

Christen untangled herself from Tobin and walked over to Kelley's suitcase. You could always count on her to be the only one to bring comedies to camp. She picked a random movie and popped it into the DVD player. Afterwards, she walked over to her own bag and found an oversized Stanford shirt.

She crawled back into bed and saw that Tobin was leaning against the headboard, staring at the wall.

"Here, you should change into something dry," Christen gave Tobin the shirt and without a word she ripped off the wet shirt clinging to her skin before throwing Christen's shirt on.

"What's going on up there?" Christen asked as she sat to face Tobin.

Tobin avoided eye contact and simply shook her head. Suddenly, her lap became very interesting.

Christen moved closer to Tobin and put one finger under her chin so Tobin's eyes would meet her own. Tobin closed her eyes and felt a fresh stream of hot tears starting to build.

"It hurts," Tobin's voice was raw and shaky.

Tobin went on to explain what had happened between Alex and her at the gym.

"Tobs, it's been years. When are you going to tell her?" Christen sighed, it had been going on long enough.

"I can't do that to her. She has Serv and she’s finally healthy enough to start rebuilding her career. It would wreck everything," Tobin averted her eyes again.

"You can't keep hurting yourself like this."

"I know," Tobin knew she couldn't keep it up much longer, it was only a matter of time.

"Sometimes it's worth the risk."

Tobin raised her head to see Christen staring at her with a look in her eyes that Tobin couldn't place.

"But sometimes it’s not. She's everything to me. I can't lose her. I don't have anyone else," Tobin's voice broke.

Christen could feel the tears in her own eyes. She had never met anyone who had loved as hard and with so much passion as Tobin and to see that it only haunted her was exhausting.

She took a deep breath and took Tobin's hands in her own, "You have me," Christen said quietly.

Tobin smiled, Christen knew it wasn't her trademark smile, the one that could light up New York City in the night time, but it was a smile and atleast they were getting somewhere.

"Is it cool if I stay here for a bit? She might be back in our room and I don't think I'm ready to see her," Tobin asked with a desperate tone.

"Of course. I can text Kelley and see if I can tag along with whatever she's doing," Christen started to move off of the bed to give Tobin her space, but was stopped when she felt a tug at her arm.

Tobin had Christen by the wrist, "Can I stay here, with you?"

Christen smiled her megawatt smile, "Let me think about it and I'll get back to you," she joked.

Tobin rolled her eyes and tugged Christen back onto the bed. They got comfortable under the covers and Tobin wasted no time in grabbing onto the forward and snuggling into her side.

"I'll wake you up when it's time for dinner," Christen said as she stroked Tobin's hair.

Tobin hummed and found herself drifting off to sleep. Her eyes got heavy and the forgotten movie on the TV screen started to blur. The fingers running through her hair put her over the edge and she was out.

Christen waited until Tobin's breathing evened out, indicating she was asleep. She brought her lips to Tobin's forehead and planted a light kiss on the spot.

"You'll be okay. I promise."

Christen woke Tobin up after an hour so the two could get ready for dinner. Tobin had refused to change claiming that Christen's shirt was too warm and smelled too good to take off. Christen smiled and left her alone. After Christen was done getting dressed, the pair walked down to the lobby where the team was gathering to go out to dinner. Tobin was in a much better mood and part of the reason was because she hadn't seen Alex yet. Christen went around talking to her various teammates and Tobin followed. Christen thought the behavior was strange and it was in the middle of talking to Whitney that she felt Tobin's hand brush her own. This had to be the fourth time they had accidentally touched each other so Christen decided to take a step to the right to create some space between herself and Tobin. She continued her conversation, but felt Tobin move closer to her again and she turned to the midfielder and silently asked her if everything was alright by raising her eyebrow. Tobin replied by hooking her arm with Christen's and resting her head on Christen's shoulder. Christen was taken aback at the amount of contact and she saw Whitney eye Tobin as well. She wasn't incredibly touchy off the field except with Alex. Christen brushed it off as a coping mechanism in response to everything that happened and called Ali over to bring her into the conversation.

Alex had just gotten off the elevator and walked into the lobby with searching eyes. She spotted Kelley in the middle of an animated conversation with Becky and immediately walked over.

She joined the conversation, but wasn't really paying attention as she was busy searching around for Tobin.

"Hey, have you guys seen Tobin?" Alex interjected into the conversation.

"Yeah, I'm pretty sure she's over there with Chris," Kelley pointed to the pair.

Alex's eyebrows furrowed when she spotted Tobin, wearing one of Christen's shirts, practically suffocating Christen. There was something building in the pit of her stomach, but she dismissed it as a bad taco she must've had for lunch.

She left Becky and Kelley to their conversation and walked over to the small group Tobin was a part of. Alex tapped Tobin on her shoulder and Tobin turned around laughing from Whitney's bad jokes, but the laughter quickly died when she saw Alex.

"Hey, can we talk...about earlier?" Alex asked her shyly. She needed to know why Tobin had been avoiding her all day and why she ran out of the gym. She wanted answers.

Tobin swallowed and tried to stand her ground, but sadly she's never been good at saying no to Alex. She tugged on Christen's arm, "I'm going to go talk to Alex really quick," Tobin said so only Christen could hear. Christen looked back at Alex and Alex offered her a sad smile.

"Be careful," Christen sighed into Tobin's ear. She reluctantly let Tobin go and watched the couple walk out of the hotel doors. Christen tried to focus on the conversation among her teammates that had carried on while Tobin left with Alex, but she couldn't stop thinking. She was scared that Tobin would fall back into the same old cycle of heartbreak. Tobin couldn't see it, but Christen could, Alex was toxic.

By the time the vans pulled up to the hotel to transport the team to the restaurant, there was no sight of either Tobin or Alex. Christen spotted them at the restaurant and what she saw did not sit well with her. It was like nothing had changed. They were sitting on the same side of the booth and were too close for comfort. Tobin was laughing hysterically at something Alex had said that probably wasn't even funny while Alex had her hand a little too high on Tobin's leg. But the love she saw in Tobin's eyes when she looked at Alex made it all the more difficult to stay mad. Tobin really loved her and there was no escaping it.

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The team was done with dinner and getting ready to leave the restaurant to go to back to the hotel when Alex asked Tobin if she wanted to walk back to the small park in front of the hotel together. Tobin agreed and the duo watched the rest of the team load back into the vans. Christen was climbing into the vehicle and saw Alex jump onto Tobin's back, demanding a piggy back ride. Tobin hadn’t as much as spared her a glance because she was so wrapped up in Alex yet again. Christen knew what was coming and she prepared herself to clean up the mess that Alex would leave in her path.

Alex and Tobin walked back to the hotel and by the time they had arrived to the small park, the sun was setting. The talk on the way to the restaurant was short, starting with Alex asking if she had done something wrong and why Tobin had been avoiding her all day and ending with Tobin brushing it off as having a bad day. Alex pushed further because she knew Tobin wasn't telling her the whole truth, but Tobin opted out of revealing her feelings once again and instead blamed it on the lack of coffee she had in the morning. Tobin had convinced Alex that everything between them was fine when really, nothing was.

Tobin pointed out an unoccupied bench and they decided to sit down and watch the sunset. Tobin watched the sky turn violent shades of red and orange and it reminded her of the internal battle she was currently fighting. She looked at the way the light reflecting in Alex's eyes and how Alex absorbed every piece of the sky in silence. The breeze was starting to pick up and Alex's perfect ponytail started flowing like in those cheesy romantic comedies. Everything about the moment was so authentic and Tobin felt her chest tighten from the weight of her feelings. This was it. She opened her mouth to let it all out. To tell Alex the honest truth and let her walk away if she chose to. To let Alex choose how the rest of their story would be written or if they still had a story left.

"Are you Alex Morgan?"

Tobin was so far in her own thoughts that she hadn't noticed the young fan walk up to Alex. Alex looked to Tobin apologetically, but got off the bench anyway. She dropped to her knees so she would be the same height as the little girl who was wearing a number 13 jersey and carrying a soccer ball in her hand.

"Yeah, it's nice to meet you! What's your name?" Alex spotted the little girl's mother a few steps back and introduced herself. Alex started talking to girl about everything and anything and within a few minutes Alex was giggling at the girl's silly stories.

"Can you play with me for a little bit?" the little girl asked with the best puppy dog eyes she could muster up.

"Honey, she's probably busy, let her enjoy her evening," her mom interjected.

"Um..." Alex hesitated, looking back at Tobin for her permission.

Tobin smiled and shot Alex a thumbs up, signaling her to go for it. She watched Alex grab the little girl's hand and they walked further and further away from the bench as the young girl's mother followed with a camera. Tobin saw them kicking the ball around, but couldn't hear anything they were saying.

Maybe it was a sign. Maybe this was the universe's way of telling her that Alex and her weren't meant to be and she should keep her feelings to herself.

Tobin, once again immersed in her mind, didn't notice the footsteps that were approaching her. She felt the other side of the bench dip a little and was surprised to see Christen's profile against the evening sky. She wasn't sure how Christen found her, but she didn't really care. Tobin knew what Christen was going to say and she didn't want to hear it so instead they sat in silence for a few minutes watching Alex and the girl mess around with the ball. Tobin saw a shiver travel up Christen's body and moved closer to her to generate some body heat. Christen hesitated, but eventually pulled Tobin in closer.

"It gets hard sometimes you know, pretending like I'm alright. It hurts, giving someone the power to control your happiness. Letting someone encompass the entirety of your soul to the point where you don't even know who you are anymore, but you don't care because you have her. Suffering everyday on the inside because you know what happens on the outside will never work out," Tobin said.

Tobin's words resonated deep with Christen and it made her heart ache. Nevertheless, she was surprised to say at the least. She thought she would've had to beg and plead to get Tobin to talk about her feelings. She encouraged Tobin to continue with a small nod.

"What does it feel like to be loved back?" Tobin asked with an emptiness haunting her voice as she fixated her eyes on the setting sun.

Christen turned to face Tobin, "I'll let you know when it happens."

Tobin turns to meet Christen's eyes and a small smile tugs on her lips.

"I never pegged you as a dumpee, Press."

Christen rolled her eyes and focused her gaze on the ground.

"I know what it feels like. To have your heart used as a convenience when someone needs a temporary crutch. To lose sleep and waste tears over the fact that you'll never be the one to hold them in your arms. To unwillingly give someone everything and have them return so little," Christen's voice cracked.

Tobin's expression softened, "I'm sorry Chris, I didn't know. They didn't deserve you. I mean how oblivious do you have to be to let Christen Press go?"

Christen turned to Tobin with tears in her eyes and a sad smile, "You've always been pretty oblivious."

Tobin froze. She knew that look. She knew those words. The revelation hit her hard.

"Chris I-"

"Tobin, it's okay, you don't have to say anything. Must be weird to be on the other side of things, huh? Having someone love you and not loving them back?" Christen whispered trying to make light of the situation.

"Why didn't you tell me?" Tobin asked, her voice laced with hurt.

Christen took a deep breath, "The same reason why you've never told Alex. I guess I was just trying to hold onto something that never had a chance."

"Chris, I-I'm sorry."

"Why are you apologizing, Tobin? Besides, you were never mine to have in the first place," Christen said as she looked over at Alex who was now trying to balance the ball on her nose.

Christen looked back to Tobin and saw the sympathy in her eyes. She lightly nudged Tobin with her shoulder.

"I'm okay, Tobin! Seriously, look," she gave Tobin a big cheesy smile to prove it.

Tobin brought her hand up to Christen's face and ran her thumb across her cheek. Christen closed her eyes and leaned into the touch, trying to savor it for the last time. A single tear rolled down her face and Tobin was quick to wipe it away. Christen's eyes fluttered open and met Tobin's. They held each other's gazes for a little bit until Tobin started leaning in. Christen felt her heart soar and brain shut down. Christen shut her eyes again as Tobin closed the gap in between their lips centimeter by centimeter.

Their lips touched in a bittersweet way that sent Christen's senses into overdrive. Tobin pulled away shortly and rested her forehead against Christen's. Christen knew what this was. It was goodbye. Christen shut her eyes tightly and grabbed onto Tobin. She let the fact that she had just lost the love of her life because she wasn't enough sink in. She sat there, in Tobin's arms, with silent sobs escaping every few minutes. She let her pain free as she twisted Tobin's shirt in her hands and brought her body as close as she could to the midfielder's. She let herself be comforted by the whispering of sweet nothings into her ears and the feeling of fingers running through her hair one last time.

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Tobin ran, she ran as fast as she could. She ran from her feelings when she couldn't face them, she ran from Alex when things got complicated, and now she was running from Christen.

She didn't wait for Alex to come back to the bench so they could finish talking, she didn't wait for Christen to stop crying, and she didn't wait for the elevator on her way up to her room. She ran through the lobby of the hotel and up the countless flights of stairs to get to her bed. Her legs were sore and her lungs were on fire, but she didn't care. Her hand shook violently as she pushed the key into the slot of the door and burst into the room. She paced around the room and grabbed fistfuls of her hair. She grabbed a pillow off of her bed and released a muffled scream into it. She flung it back on to the mattress and walked over to the opposite wall before punching it repeatedly. She saw the skin on her hands turn red and threw her head back when she felt tears sting her eyes. Every breath she took came out ragged and goose bumps covered her arms. She let her body collapse onto the floor and clasped her eyes shut as she fought to hold in her sobs. She wanted an escape, she wanted it all to go away. It felt like hours before she heard someone enter the room and carry her to the bed. She sought comfort in the warm body and gripped onto it as tightly as she could.

"Tobs, you have to calm down," Alex's raspy voice came out in a whisper.

"W-why do I h-hurt everyone I care about-t?" Tobin said in between hiccups.

"Tobin, you need to stop crying. I want you to focus on my voice. Ignore everything else, just listen to my voice," Alex said into Tobin's ear.

Tobin closed her eyes and let her mind go blank. She focused on Alex's voice and how soothing it was. Tobin was always good at that, blocking everything out that wasn't Alex Morgan. She concentrated on getting her heart rate back to normal and tried to silence her sobs.

"You're safe, Tobs. Don't worry, you're ok."

Everything about this felt too familiar. Christen. Christen loved her and Tobin couldn't love her back. She abandoned the younger girl when she was most vulnerable. She had become everything she was most afraid of.

Tobin jumped out of Alex's arms and started searching for her phone.

"Where's my phone? I n-need to call her. I need to make sure she's alright," Tobin said frantically as she tore apart the room looking for her phone.

Alex got up from the bed and walked straight up to Tobin.

"Tobin, you need to rest, you're not thinking straight," she grabbed her arms to stop Tobin's jerky movements.

"N-no. I can't lose...I have-e to," Tobin couldn't complete her thoughts and was fighting to get out of Alex's grip. She gave up after she realized the forward was too strong.

"Why couldn't I just love her back? I could've been happy with Christen! She trusted me and I never thought about her feelings, not even once! She loved me!" Tobin yelled as she dug her nose into Alex's neck to choke back a fresh stream of tears. Alex held onto Tobin and became whatever Tobin needed in that moment of weakness. Once again, Alex tried patiently to calm her down and waited until she had run out of sobs.

"Can we try this again?" Alex asked carefully. She heard Tobin mumble in compliance and directed her back to the bed. She sat Tobin against the headboard and settled down right in front of her. Tobin's eyes were red and they no longer sparkled like they usually did. Her cheeks were stained with tears and her chest was rising and falling at a rapid rate. Alex waited until she felt like Tobin was ready to talk.

"I didn't know you and Christen were a thing," Alex said, trying not to sound harsh.

"We aren't," Tobin winced.

"Tobin, stop with the lies, I saw you glued to her side earlier and you're wearing her shirt. If we're going to talk, I need the truth, not the crap you told me before dinner," Alex said firmly.

Tobin stayed silent.

"I thought we were best friends! I thought we were supposed to tell each other everything! We're supposed to help each other, but how can I help you if you won't let me in?" Alex said bitterly.

Tobin sighed and looked Alex straight in the eyes. The pair of blue eyes she had grown to love and that kept her grounded no longer made her feel warm and safe. They made her feel scared and full of anguish. Alex saw how small Tobin looked and softened her expression. She reached over to grab Tobin's hand, but Tobin pulled back before she could. Alex felt a pang of hurt bubble up inside of her, but pushed it aside to focus on Tobin.

"I'm not lying. Christen and I were never together. B-but she told me that she loved me and I couldn't say it back. I hurt her like I was afraid of getting hurt. I did that, I hurt her. She didn't deserve that," Tobin gulped.

"Tobin, this isn't your fault. You can't help the way you feel, ok? You can't punish yourself over something you can't control, she knows that and you know that," Alex explained

Tobin nodded her head slowly and Alex could tell she wasn't getting through to the older girl.

"Why did you lie to me today? Why didn't you tell me what was going on?" Alex pushed.

"I couldn't. I can't." Tobin whispered. She felt her throat getting tighter and her palms growing sweaty.

"Damn it, Tobin! I'm trying to understand what's happening with you because I can't stand seeing you like this! Why won't you let me help you?" Alex shouted and stood up as she felt the anger sear through her blood.

"I can't risk it, Alex. Don't you get it? If I tell you it'll ruin everything!" Tobin got up and walked over to Alex.

"Wow," Alex looked up at the ceiling and blinked hard, "I can't believe you think our relationship is that weak. I don't even think I know you anymore."

Tobin was frustrated. She was frustrated that Alex wouldn't let this go and she was frustrated with herself. She turned her back to Alex and took a deep breath.

"You want the truth? I like you. I don't mean that I like hanging out with you or I like sharing the field with you. I mean that I like waking up with you in my arms because I like knowing there’s nowhere else you’d rather be. I like seeing you wear my Carolina sweatshirts because people know you would never wear anything besides Cal gear unless it was special. I like laughing at your lame jokes because I like knowing that I’m the one making you smile," Tobin still wasn't ready to face Alex and she rubbed her hands up and down her arms to encourage herself.

"That's why I ran out of the gym today. We were," Tobin paused to find the right words, "so close and then Serv called and everything became so real. I was tired of getting my hopes up only to have them crushed over and over again, so I ran to Christen, but I didn't know. She never told me and I just led her on. I couldn't tell you, you have Serv and your career and I couldn't risk losing my best friend. I kept thinking about what would happen if I told you the truth. Everyone always says nothing will change, but it always does and I didn't want it to happen to us. But I did exactly what I was afraid of. I was so afraid you would reject me and everything would change and that's exactly what I did to Christen. I lost her and I'm going to lose you, too."

"How long?" Alex asked one simple question.

"Ever since you came up to me and introduced yourself as Alex Morgan, future forward for the US women's national team," Tobin spoke from her heart and smiled at the memory.

Tobin waited for Alex to say something, anything. Nothing came. She knew this was going to happen, but still she couldn't stop herself from the agony.

"I'll miss you Lex," Tobin managed to get out.

Alex had been staring at Tobin's back this entire time trying to absorb everything Tobin was sharing with her. She was overwhelmed and her head was getting heavy. She didn't know what she was doing, all she knew was that her best friend was hurting, had been hurting for years, and it was all because of her.

She charged forward without a second thought and spun Tobin around to face her. Alex did the only thing she could think of doing.

Alex's face came into Tobin’s line of view and before Tobin could say anything, she felt a sharp blow to her left cheek. Her head had been jerked to the side by the motion and she reached up to hold the reddening area as she looked at Alex, expressionless, because she knew she deserved it.

"How dare you," Alex barked.

Alex lunged forward and grabbed Tobin's face before forcing her lips onto Tobin's. The kiss was intense and rushed as Alex captured Tobin's lips between her own. She gently bit down on Tobin's bottom lip and sucked the delicate piece of flesh. There was a feverish clash of teeth and a battle for dominance before Tobin pulled Alex into her by the waist and slowed things down. The kiss became more passionate and Tobin tried to convey everything she was feeling through the simple action. Even though the kiss left them wanting more, eventually they had to come up for air.

Alex opened her eyes and saw that the sparkle was back in Tobin's eyes and her trademark smile was placed firmly on her lips back where it belonged.

"But what about Serv and your socc-" Tobin began, but Alex cut her off.

"Shhh, we'll worry about it later. Can it just be us right now, please?" Alex asked.

Tobin felt her cheeks burn and she nodded slowly.

"I can't believe you never told me you had a crush on me, Heath," Alex teased as she caressed Tobin's face and tucked a stray piece of hair behind her ear.

"I hate you," Tobin deadpanned.

"I know."

**Author's Note:**

> Let me tell you, this was not an easy one to write my friends. I for sure might come back and edit it to add some depth, but enjoy this for now and let me know what you think (also if you see any mistakes, please feel free to point them out because it's 1 am and I think I've lost vision in my right eye). Thanks so much for reading and motivating me to write!


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